When Truth Disrupts: Choosing Integrity Over Appeasement

Apr 19

Why Silence Isn’t Always Strength, And How Speaking Up Early Is an Act of Love

Hey, Collective,

At my Uncle Percy’s birthday dinner, Gram looked at me with that familiar smile and said, “You’ve always said what was on your mind since you were a kid.”

The whole room burst into laughter, and so did I, because she was right.

Even as a child, I had a deep knowing. I could feel when something was off in the room. I couldn’t always name it then, but I saw the unspoken. I felt the unshed tears. I watched when adults bit their tongues to keep the peace, even as it chipped away at their spirits. That silence? It didn’t protect them. It morphed into explosions. Passive aggression. Emotional shutdown. A performance of “appropriateness” that masked pain and perpetuated dehumanization.

This knowing has always lived in me. It’s not new. But it’s never been easy to carry.

Lately, I’ve been reminded of how hard it can be for truth-telling to land in spaces that aren’t ready to receive. When I harvest the wisdom of employees and community members through learning cohorts, focus groups, strategic planning, storytelling, surveys, and healing circles, leadership often hears those truths for the first time. And it’s jarring. Defensiveness rises, and sometimes even disbelief.

I’m told things like, “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

But that’s not strategy. That’s a symptom of emotional dysregulation in spaces where silence was the norm, until I arrived.

And still, I choose to speak.

Because silence has never protected us.
Truth is not the problem.
Avoidance is.

The Power of Discovery

To discover is to remember what we’ve always known but were told to unsee.

Since childhood, I’ve watched what happens when people contort themselves to keep the peace, but performance isn’t peace. It's the slow erasure of truth. And truth, no matter how inconvenient, is not the problem.

So, what’s actually the problem? Pretending things are okay when everyone is unraveling. Dismissing people as ungrateful when they’re advocating for dignity. Making top-down changes without involving the very people your mission claims to serve.

When I bring forward what people have shared in good faith, what they’ve finally felt safe enough to say, leadership often interprets it as “negativity” rather than what it truly is: wisdom.

This week reminded me: I’m not bringing harm, but I’m naming it. And naming it is the first act of love. And, if anything, I’m doing what I’ve always done: naming what’s real so we can move through it together.

Discovery Curiosities:

What unspoken truth have I been carrying since childhood?
Who taught me that keeping quiet was the “respectable” thing to do?
What might be possible if naming the truth isn’t seen as a threat to harmony but the beginning of repair?

The Power of Discernment

Discernment is the courage to trust your inner compass, even when the room wants you to shrink.

Many leaders think listening is the work. But listening, real listening, is the bare minimum. It’s just being human.

The real work is hearing what’s underneath the words. Listening not to respond or defend, but to receive. To recognize wisdom, even if it comes wrapped in grief, exhaustion, or frustration.

Leadership isn’t about making performative changes to check a box. It’s about co-creating solutions with the people you're tasked to serve. Not just leading the mission, but embodying it.

When leadership gets defensive, it’s rarely about the content. It’s about the discomfort of being asked to look inward, which is the true work of culture audits. They invite you to hold up a mirror and ask, “Are we building a culture of trust, or just a culture of tolerance? Sacred speaking or silence? Repair or respectability?

I choose trust, sacred speaking, and repair. I always have. Even as a child, I spoke the kind of truths grown folks whispered about behind closed doors.

Discernment Curiosities:

Who am I becoming when you choose integrity over appeasement?
When truth feels uncomfortable, do I respond with curiosity or control?
How do my values guide me when critique feels personal?

The Power of Determination

Determination is the decision to choose integrity over appeasement, even when it costs you your ego’s comfort or your contract.

Here’s the truth: when I name the wisdom inside these rooms, when I reflect back the truths people whisper at the watercooler, leadership is often shocked. Defensive. Frozen. Not because the people are wrong, but because the truth disrupts the illusion of control.

As Coffee with E podcast host Erica Rawls said in response to my work:

“You cannot be well received at corporations all the time, because just hearing you say ‘No, the way we were doing it for over a hundred years needs to change… you need to live in your authentic truth and come as you are’…that is hard.”

But transformation doesn’t happen without tension.

My work with leaders isn’t about shaming them, it’s about humanizing them. Because leaders are people too. They are often reduced to their title or salary, expected to be machines, not humans. Many are exhausted. Unseen. Afraid. When I name their humanity, something shifts. Not just for them, but for the entire organization.

Because real change doesn’t grow in cultures that reward silence and numbness. It grows when we return people to themselves and to each other.

Here’s the thing: I’m not for everyone. But I am for transformation. And transformation is disruptive by design. If leadership can’t hold the weight of the truth, they’re not ready for liberation. And if I can’t name that, I’m not honoring mine and those who entrusted me to not only hold but amplify their voices.

I work with courageous leaders. Not perfect ones. But those willing to look inward, listen when it’s hard, and choose healing over hierarchy.

Determination Curiosities:

What truth have I been avoiding because it might disrupt someone else’s comfort, but it’s essential to my integrity?
What would it look like to be radically honest and deeply compassionate with myself and others?
How might my courage to speak now create space for someone else to breathe later?

Invitation

You may not be well received in every room, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. In fact, it might mean you’re right on time.

This week, I invite you to trust the version of yourself, perhaps the child in you, who always knew when something wasn’t right. The one who spoke up, not to stir trouble, but to start healing.

May you listen to her.
May you echo her.
May you lead like her.

And if this week’s podcast episode or roundup activated something in you, don’t keep it to yourself. Listen to Episode 14: Centering Liberation at 44: Reclaiming Joy, Self-Worth, and the Sacredness of Being Seen and forward it to a friend or loved one, leave a review, and subscribe to our Substack and YouTube channel for more reflections.

As always, please go to our website to suggest further questions or topics we can discuss.

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And, if you’re a courageous leader ready to move beyond performative listening and into the real work of repair, let’s connect.

In solidarity, action, and love,

Amber

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