Reflecting on Exhaustion and the Power of Curiosity and Community
Y’all, I am exhausted. I’m talking about an exhaustion that runs deeper than the body. It's an ache in the spirit that many of us have carried for far too long. It’s the familiar feeling that comes from being everything for everyone—a leader, an advocate, a protector—while often receiving little in return.
Yet, amid this exhaustion, I’ve noticed a recurring theme: curiosity and community (or connection). These are two of my core values, and they emerged strongly during my participation at the Association of School Psychologists of Pennsylvania (ASSP) Fall Conference and Ripple Hub’s Fourth Annual Give Back Conference last week.
(Re)claiming Control and Letting Go: A Reflection Through Enneagram Type 8
As an Enneagram Type 8, I often find myself moving between the desire to protect and the need to remain open. At my best, I embody what ChiChi Agorom describes as entering each moment with "child-like curiosity, ready to discover and marvel at the goodness [I] find both within [myself] and in the world around [me].” This resonates deeply with how I like to describe myself as a "perpetual toddler." It's about keeping that sense of wonder alive, always ready to explore with compassionate curiosity.
But there’s another side to being an Eight. The wounded part of me believes that "the world is hard and unjust and those with power take advantage of others." This belief has led me to adopt the persona of the Strong Black Woman, often armoring up to protect myself and those around me. Especially in predominantly White spaces, I've felt the need to show up as invulnerable—never weak, always in control of my environment to foster safety.
ChiChi Agorom, in The Enneagram for Black Liberation: Return to Who You Are Beneath the Armor You Carry, explains that for Eights like me, "softer feelings don't align with the story of strength." Instead, I fight for the underdogs, becoming the protector I once needed. However, curiosity has been my saving grace. As a Type 8, my instincts drive me to lead, act, and protect. But curiosity invites me to slow down, to ask questions, and to see situations from a different angle. It’s helped me balance my instinct to control with a willingness to embrace vulnerability, ask for help, and let go when needed.
The Power of Curiosity and Community in Navigating Predominantly White Spaces
Being in predominantly White spaces can heighten my instinct to protect and assert my autonomy. I sometimes feel reduced to my identity alone, as though my worth is tied solely to my labels, rather than my skills or knowledge. But I am valuable because of both my identity and my expertise. Learning to hold these two truths has been an important part of my journey.
Affinity spaces and caucuses are vital for healing, growth, and authenticity, especially for those of us navigating spaces where we are underrepresented. These spaces allow us to shed our armor, be seen in our full humanity, and share our experiences without fear of judgment. Ripple Hub exemplified the power of such spaces for creatives, offering a nurturing environment where creatives could connect deeply, reflect, and destigmatize mental health during the Give Back Conference this past weekend. Spaces like these (including A Concrete Rose) are essential for our collective well-being, enabling us to recharge and show up more fully in the broader world.
Last year, I was interviewed by Drs. Rachel Eisenberg and Janna Sanders on Not Your Average School Psychologist Podcast. The episode, "Curiosity, Connection, and Authenticity with Dr. Sessoms," became a space for me to openly reflect on my experiences as the first Black person to be awarded Pennsylvania School Psychologist of the Year by ASSP. I shared how, in a time of heightened visibility for Black people due to the most recent racial reckoning, I wrestled with whether I was truly recognized for my work or simply being used as a "good look." In those moments of doubt, it was my community that reminded me of my worth.
This vulnerability is part of navigating the complexity of being a "visible minority" in predominantly White environments. It’s a reminder of the performative nature of diversity efforts that lack a genuine commitment to systemic culture change. And yet, curiosity has remained central to my approach, allowing me to question, reflect, and push forward in meaningful ways.
For instance, representation has been a powerful part of my journey. When I became the first Black president of the ASPP, people who looked like me approached me to share how much it meant for them to feel seen—sending a clear message that they belonged. Now, with Shradha Gera as the first Southeast Asian president of ASPP, I see this legacy of visibility continuing, helping others feel acknowledged and valued. Our board is also growing in diversity, reflecting a broader commitment to building a leadership body that genuinely represents the communities we serve. It is through this growth in representation that we can make meaningful strides toward lasting systemic change.
The Power of the 3D Power Tools Framework: Discover, Discern, Determine
Curiosity has also guided my application of the 3D Power Tools Framework: Discover, Discern, and Determine, which has helped me navigate this time with more clarity and intention.
Discover: Curiosity drives me to uncover the narratives that shape my experiences. It’s led me to question the pressures to perform, the exhaustion I carry, and the systemic expectations I’ve internalized. By being curious, I can better understand what stories hold me back and which ones empower me to move forward.
Discern: Discernment is about clarifying my core values and determining which beliefs serve me. Curiosity helps me discern which aspects of my identity I want to nurture and which I need to release. It allows me to set boundaries that honor my well-being and to act in alignment with my values.
Determine: Determination means taking intentional, values-driven actions. Curiosity helps me find opportunities for growth and transformation, even amid exhaustion. It allows me to envision a future where I am not burdened by the expectation to save everyone but I am instead focused on caring for myself in authentic and sustainable ways.
Taking Off the Cape and Embracing Vulnerability
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the exhaustion of constantly feeling like I’m "not enough." This belief is rooted in watching the women in my family juggle everything without pause. I used to think that if I couldn’t do the same, I wasn’t as strong. But I am learning that true strength lies in honoring my limits and refusing to betray myself by pushing too far. I am learning to take off the cape.
For Black women, many spaces demand that we wear the Superwoman cape—to be everything to everyone while making ourselves palatable to those around us. This isn't just code-switching; it's masking. Masking, a term often used in the context of autism, also describes what Black women do to survive in spaces that weren't built for us. It means hiding our true selves, minimizing our pain, and changing our behavior to avoid making others uncomfortable. It's a constant, exhausting performance just to fit in.
But there’s a shift happening. More Black women are unapologetically (re)claiming our time and metaphorically saying, "Find someone else to do it." It’s a radical act of self-preservation. We are realizing we cannot heal the world if we are constantly depleted. Letting go of the belief that it is solely our responsibility to save the world has brought me a sense of freedom.
(Re)claiming Joy, Humanity, and Community Wealth
Dr. Janise Parker’s keynote at the ASPP Fall Conference was a powerful reminder of the wisdom and resilience within marginalized communities, which add to “community cultural wealth.” She also spoke about being in a “pruning season”—a time to let go of what no longer serves us to make room for growth and transformation. This idea resonates deeply with my research on Black female identity development and relying on community to help shed harmful stereotypes to embrace the fullness of our identities.
Navigating predominantly White spaces as a Black woman is exhausting. It requires masking and overperforming to fit in. In contrast, affinity spaces and/or caucuses offer a chance for healing, growth, and authenticity—spaces where we can be without fear, judgment, or the pressure to perform.
This is why I’ve been working on creating 3D Power Retreats that align with my research on Black female identity development within communities. These retreats and online learning community are designed to foster environments where we as Black women can take off the mask, reconnect with our true selves, and reflect deeply. They are a manifestation of my commitment to creating spaces where we can celebrate our strengths and heal collectively.
Lately, I’ve been thinking more about what it means to create safe communities—spaces where we as Black women don’t need to armor ourselves, where our humanity is honored, and our exhaustion is understood without question. I’m particularly interested in how Black women navigate post-election trauma in predominantly White versus more diverse spaces. How do different environments shape our experiences and coping mechanisms? What lessons can we draw to support each other better?
Tangible Tips for Navigating Exhaustion
Here are some tangible ways to navigate the exhaustion that comes from predominantly White spaces:
Lean into Curiosity: Ask yourself why you’re feeling a certain way or what narratives you’re internalizing. This can help unravel harmful patterns and prioritize your well-being.
Create or Seek Affinity Spaces: Find or create spaces where you can be your authentic self. These spaces provide support and validation.
Establish Boundaries: Set clear limits on what you will and won’t do in these spaces. This includes emotional labor and stepping away from harmful conversations.
Rest and Reflect: Rest is not just about physical recovery; it’s about acknowledging your emotional and mental labor. As The Nap Ministry teaches us, rest is a form of resistance. It is essential for nurturing our well-being and (re)claiming our power.
Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that it’s okay to need a break. Give yourself grace without guilt.
Stay Connected to Your Values: Identify your core values and use them as a compass to guide your decisions and care for yourself.
Engage in Grounding Practices: Activities like breathwork or journaling can help ground you and reconnect with yourself.
Revisit Your Work: Following the example of Dr. Parker, make time to "sit in" your achievements. Celebrating your accomplishments and contributions is an important part of maintaining resilience and knowing your why.
By implementing these practices, we can navigate exhaustion with resilience. It’s about more than survival—it’s about (re)claiming our joy and our right to live authentically.
Build a Future Together
Curiosity keeps me moving forward. It drives me to ask better questions, challenge the status quo, and create spaces where Black women can rest, reclaim our narratives, and find joy. Together, we can build a future where leadership reflects our communities, where every voice is heard, and where mental health and equity are prioritized.
Let’s rest together. Let’s build together. And let’s remain curious together. Our liberation starts with our ability to take care of ourselves, question, and imagine what is possible.
