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In last week’s post, I shared my personal journey with boundaries—how my experiences with abandonment and attachment shaped the way I navigated relationships. I explored how setting boundaries became a critical act of self-preservation and a pathway to reclaiming my emotional well-being. This week, we delve deeper into the transformative power of boundaries, focusing on their role in navigating workplace dynamics, fostering authenticity, and resisting systemic oppression.

Boundaries as Acts of Self-Respect and Connection

Monday, we lost a literary giant, Nikki Giovanni, who passed away at age 81 after complications from lung cancer, which she was first diagnosed with in 1995. Giovanni's legacy as a poet, activist, and truth-teller has inspired countless individuals to honor their identities and love themselves fully. Her words remind us:

“Deal with yourself as an individual, worthy of respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way.”

Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect that requires us to demand the same from others. It’s a radical practice of valuing ourselves and expecting others to honor that value.

In 1971, 47-year-old James Baldwin and 28-year-old Nikki Giovanni recorded a two-hour dialogue for the public TV show Soul! Their conversation, subsequently published as A Dialogue, explored complex themes including the dynamics between Black men and women, care, emotional labor, and vulnerability within relationships.

This transcript of their conversation reveals a raw and powerful exchange that struck me so profoundly and deeply. I felt so seen:

Giovanni: Fake it because we don't have dreams these days. How the hell can you have a dream? For what? So everybody's jiving, so let's jive on that level.

Baldwin: If I love you I can't lie to you.

Giovanni: Of course you can lie to me, and you will, if you love me and you're going off with Maddie someplace, you lying to me, 'cause what the hell do I care about the truth? What did Billie Holiday say, 'Hush now don't explain.’

Baldwin: All right, I accept that.

Giovanni: Of course, of course, you lie because what does the truth matter? And why are you gonna be truthful with me when you lie to everybody else? You lied when you smiled at that cracker down the job, right? Lie to Me, smile. Treat me the same way you would treat him.

Baldwin: I can't treat you the way I treat him.

Giovanni: You must. You must, because I've caught the I've caught the frowns and the anger. He's happy with you. Of course, he doesn't know you're unhappy. You're good at him all day long. You come home and I catch hell because I love you. I get least of you. I get, I get the very minimum. But I'm saying, you know, fake it with me. Is that too much of the Black woman to ask of a Black man for 10 years so that we can get a child on his feet that says, Yeah, father smiled at mother. He talked to me about school today. Who cares that you can't read? Most Americans can't read. Most people can't read. They look at the pictures.

Baldwin: Baby, Baby, I know what you're saying. I know exactly what you're saying, and I don't disagree, but no, I'm going to be honest and think about it really. I'm not so sure that that is a human possibility. If I have to smile all day and the cat on the job, at the foreman. You understand why I'm smiling. It's not ‘cause I want to smile it's because Baby needs new shoes. I can't give a performance all day in the job and come home and give a performance all night in the house.

Giovanni: So one of the performances will stop.

Giovanni’s plea for vulnerability and Baldwin’s acknowledgment of exhaustion resonate deeply with the necessity of boundaries in fostering genuine connection while protecting one’s emotional reserves. Their dialogue not only speaks to intimate relationships but also mirrors the exhaustion and emotional labor faced by Black individuals in the workplace. In an earlier post, I discussed the racial trauma many of us endure in professional spaces, where we are expected to comply and suppress our authentic selves. In this context, boundaries are not just acts of self-protection—they are radical tools of resistance and self-advocacy.

Designing an Integrated Life

In this discussion of boundaries, it's important to shift from the idea of "work-life balance" to "work-life integration." Work-life integration acknowledges that our professional and personal lives are interconnected, rather than separate spheres that need to be perfectly balanced. This approach invites us to create harmony by aligning our values, priorities, and time across both domains.

Work-life integration asks: How can we design a life where our professional and personal goals coexist authentically and sustainably? This might mean setting flexible working hours or taking time off to attend a family event, carving out time for self-care during the workday, or blending work commitments with activities that nurture your well-being. Instead of striving for an impossible equilibrium, this approach emphasizes intentionality and fluidity, allowing us to honor both our personal and professional selves.

For me, this question feels especially relevant. My therapist once asked, “Who is Amber?” She was challenging me to distinguish between my work and my being—to understand the difference between what I do and who I am. Admittedly, I’m still wrestling with this question. My work is so closely tied to my identity that finding a clear separation feels impossible. Yet, I recognize the importance of reflecting on this distinction as part of my journey toward self-discovery and boundary-setting. It’s a question I will continue to explore, knowing that boundaries are vital for preserving both my identity and my energy.

A Personal Reminder of Boundaries’ Importance

The 2018-2019 schoolyear was one of my most challenging years as a lead school psychologist in my district. The year began with a colleague who delivered her baby stillborn; leading crisis response for a student who died in a motorcycle accident; and mourning the death of my beloved mentor, Dr. Rita Smith-Wade-El. Then, the new year began with the immense responsibility of, yet again, providing crisis response and postvention for two students who died by suicide within two weeks of each other.

The weight of these events was overwhelming, leaving an indelible mark on me. I’ll never forget my husband’s observation during this time: “You have nothing left when you come home.” His words were a wake-up call, a stark reminder of how vicarious trauma was impacting my well-being and personal life. This realization underscored the necessity of boundaries—not just in the workplace but in every facet of my existence.

The Role of Boundaries in Integration

Work-life integration isn’t about eliminating the demands of work or personal responsibilities; it’s about creating a framework that prioritizes well-being and authenticity. By setting clear boundaries, we can ensure that our energy is distributed in ways that reflect our values, protecting us from overextension and burnout. Boundaries act as the foundation for integrating the different aspects of our lives, enabling us to show up fully without sacrificing ourselves.

As I continue to navigate this journey, I’m reminded that integration is less about achieving perfection and more about making intentional choices. Whether it’s taking moments to recharge, saying no to commitments that drain me, or carving out space to nurture personal connections, work-life integration allows me to honor the multifaceted nature of my identity while ensuring I’m present where it matters most.

Boundaries in the workplace are crucial for preserving dignity and authenticity, especially for those navigating systemic oppression and racial trauma. They act as safeguards against the emotional labor of constant performance and compliance, allowing individuals to reclaim their humanity and prioritize well-being and mitigate burnout.

Preventing Burnout Through Boundaries

Burnout is a response to unhealthy boundaries. Most of the clients I see in my practice report issues with work-life balance. For fourteen years, I've observed people doing the work of two people, not leaving work on time, working after hours (evenings and weekends), not using allocated vacation time, and volunteering for projects they don't have time to do. They do this all in the name of being a 'good employee.' –Nedra Glover Tawwab

Tawwab cautions, "The more you appear to handle, the more work you'll be expected to handle."

Boundaries help define roles, expectations, and limits to ensure that we are neither overextended nor undervalued. Setting boundaries is not merely about self-care; boundaries are assertions of worth and rejections of systems that seek to diminish individual value and treat us as machines, as I wrote about in an earlier post on exhaustion and the power of curiosity and community.

Tawwab identifies signs of boundary issues, including doing work for others; taking on the work of multiple people; avoiding delegation; skipping vacation days; and saying yes to tasks beyond capacity. These patterns, driven by the desire to appear as a good employee, lead to exhaustion.

To prevent burnout, Tawwab suggests:

• Use vacation days to recharge

• Pursue hobbies unrelated to work

• Take lunch breaks away from your desk

• Prioritize personal time before or after work

• Say no to requests for assistance from coworkers

• Stop participating in office gossip

• Say no to after-work gatherings you don’t want to attend

• Delegate tasks when possible

For those in toxic environments, she advises:

• Identify helpful boundaries to mitigate toxicity

• Seek out healthy workplace relationships

• Document issues with dates and times

• Speak with your boss/supervisor, if they’re not part of the problem

• Engage HR about the office culture

• Find external support, like therapy

Boundaries in the workplace serve as an antidote to this kind of exhaustion, helping us reclaim our energy and focus on what truly matters. They allow us to shift from a cycle of overextension to one of sustainable contribution and self-care.

Breaking the Fear Cycle

Tawwab’s insight into workplace boundaries sheds light on a critical challenge: the fear of losing one’s job. She writes:

Sure, some people may be aware when they violate someone's boundaries, but most likely, they don't know. Boundaries are not common sense; they're taught. In the workplace, they're passed down by the HR department, the work culture, and the bosses. When people are in fear of losing their jobs, however, it's hard to implement boundaries.

This fear is particularly pervasive in workplaces where power dynamics and job insecurity stifle open communication. Many employees hesitate to advocate for their well-being, worried that asserting boundaries may be misinterpreted as insubordination or lack of dedication. Yet, Tawwab’s reflection reminds us that boundaries are not only necessary but also teachable—they can be cultivated and normalized within workplace cultures.

Overcoming this fear requires a shift in perspective. Setting boundaries is not an act of rebellion; it’s an act of self-respect and professionalism. When employees clearly communicate their needs and limits, they foster environments of mutual respect and accountability. Furthermore, organizations that value and model healthy boundaries cultivate thriving teams.

For individuals struggling to implement boundaries in fear-driven workplaces, small steps can be transformative. Start by identifying non-negotiable needs—whether it’s taking a lunch break, protecting personal time, or delegating tasks. Communicate these needs confidently and document any challenges. By reframing boundaries as essential tools for collaboration rather than obstacles, we can work toward professional spaces where both dignity and efficiency coexist.

Lessons from the Great Resignation

The Great Resignation, driven by Millennials and Gen Z, reflects a collective rejection of outdated work cultures. These generations demand workplaces that honor humanity and balance. As a mentor and honorary “auntie” to several Gen Z professionals, I’ve observed their willingness to leave jobs misaligned with their values—a lesson for all of us.

However, even entrepreneurs can fall into the trap of overworking. Many leave traditional jobs only to replicate hustle culture in their ventures. One new entrepreneur confessed to overloading her schedule out of fear that God wouldn’t make provision. She accepted every opportunity, leading to burnout. This highlights the necessity of:

• Knowing your target audience or clients

• Using your values as a compass to guide decisions

• Sticking to your scope of work (SOW) and ensuring extra tasks are billed accordingly, as indicated in your contract

Tawwab offers specific advice for entrepreneurs:

• Charge your full fee

• Offer reduced rates sparingly

• Avoid overworking; take breaks and pause regularly

• Refrain from glorifying overworking with phrases like “on the grind,” "hustle harder," or "rest later"

Knowing your target audience and sticking to your scope of work is vital. These boundaries protect energy and maintain clarity in professional relationships.

Fostering Authenticity at Work

Boundaries are not just tools for self-protection; they are essential for fostering authenticity. By setting limits, we create spaces where individuals can engage fully without losing themselves to performative demands.

Baldwin and Giovanni’s dialogue underscores the exhaustion of perpetual performance, a reality many Black individuals face in workplaces demanding compliance without reciprocal respect. By establishing boundaries, we challenge oppressive norms, fostering dignity and authenticity.

Boundaries are not just acts of self-preservation; they are tools of resistance. By asserting our limits, we reclaim agency over our professional lives, fostering environments that prioritize respect, equity, and collective liberation.

Questions to Ponder

As you reflect on boundaries in your professional life, consider:

• What boundaries do I need most to maintain authenticity and well-being?

• How can my values guide my workplace decisions?

• Are there tasks misaligned with my capacity? How can I start saying no?

• How can I effectively communicate boundaries with my boss or supervisor?

• Am I leaving enough energy for my loved ones? How can boundaries help?

• What steps can I take to establish healthier work-life integration?

Boundaries are not barriers; they are bridges to deeper understanding, respect, and care. By setting clear limits, we honor our dignity and create the space to thrive.

Photo credit: Shelby Wormly of WE & Company at the Mansion at Noble Lane